Me time

I’m an only child.  Different people have different opinions of this.  I can honestly say there were very few times I longed for a sibling.  We are a close family so I always had someone around to play with. Once I grew up I really liked having my own time and our little family unit of 3.

The bad part about being an only child is learning to live with people… like a husband and then add in 2 children… can we say adjustment period?  I mentioned in my Bible study the other night that I basically stole the joy of my whole first year of marriage longing for my own little apartment and city back.  Not that I didn’t want to be with my husband because I really did, but every 3 days or so I wanted to go back and live by myself for a few days.  When we got married I moved to a new city, started a new job and got a new house and husband.  There was a BIG part of me that felt like I had lost my whole identity.  I wanted the throw pillows to stay where they belonged on the couch, the bathroom to stay in order and I wanted to sit in a room by myself at the end of the day with a glass of wine and not have to speak to anyone for a little bit.

Once we discussed all this and learned one another’s boundaries things started falling into place.  THEN we decided to have a baby.  Did you know that babies take up a lot of time and space?  They are wonderful, but that whole dynamic of someone taking up my space was multiplied by about a thousand.  The thing with children is that they love you A LOT and it’s kind of hard to get them to leave you alone.  I never in my life thought I would meet someone who would enjoy sitting on the floor at my feet (or in my lap) while I go to the bathroom.  Then my only child brain said “let’s get this kid someone to play with!” Ha!  You all know the rest of the story.

I love my babies. I seriously would kill and die for them and would have to go into a padded room if something happened to either one of them.  That being said, I do wonder if only children are equipped to parent multiple children? Or if it is possible for us to do it as well as parents that come out of homes with siblings?  Thank goodness my husband had a brother so we don’t mess them up too bad!

Last weekend Amelia went out of town with my parents so it was just us and Annie.  Even with Annie being sick and fussy, I had it together all weekend.  We were even early to Sunday school (that NEVER happens!).  I looked down at myself and was taking a picture of the fact that my shoes, nails and necklace all matched.  I thought to myself “If I just had one kid, I could totally do this parenting gig much more effectively… which one would I choose?  Nicole shut up!  There is no way you could ever pick!”  Seriously, I’m not the only one that has two sided conversations with myself that I would never have with anyone else… right? right?  Then, on cue, Annie came up and grabbed my hand is if to say “it would be me Mama, of course it would be me.” HA!  It creeped me out a little.  I really think that child could have been reading my mind!

20140223-080709.jpg

We had a great weekend with Annie, and her cold, and Amelia came back Sunday late afternoon.  Everything went downhill from there.  Turned out Annie had some kind of virus that infected her mouth and gums.  She wouldn’t put a thing in her mouth and she was miserable.  She cried and whined for 5 days straight.  And she wasn’t sleeping at night.  I was a tired Mama!  It got bad, I got in pretty bad shape.  Being a mom is so sacrificial.  And maybe it’s just me but I don’t quite have the spirit of Jesus.  I am a selfish, selfish human.  I do not mind caring for others and I love to help anyone out… just as long as I get a break and enough sleep.  By Wednesday I was furious at Annie for still being sick and feeling tremendous amounts of guilt about being mad at a precious baby girl who just didn’t feel good.  I had had enough and just needed an escape.  I felt like pulling a Ya-Ya and getting in my car and driving straight to the beach without telling anyone.

This weekend we were supposed to go to a wedding in SC for one of Ben’s college friends.  The girls were staying with my parents and we were going to have a night off.  A night off at a blacktie wedding meeting and greeting people I don’t really know.  Normally I jump at the chance to get dressed up for any occasion but not this weekend. I talked to my mom and my husband and we all decided I could just stay home.  Saturday he dropped the kids off and headed to SC by himself.

I have had over 24 hrs of time all by myself.  I have worked in the yard, cleaned the house, watched an obscene amount of trash reality tv and slept, A LOT!

20140223-080758.jpgThis is a relaxed girl!

We first drank this beer on our honeymoon in Barbados.  It is bottled there and not distributed to the US.  Friday the Cowboy found it in the liquor store!  Our life is far from that week in Barbados.  We have had a lot of changes, additions and subtractions.  Thankfully, we learn about ourselves and each other every day it seems.  This weekend was a reminder that I ADORE both of my children and husband.  I am not sure I could breathe without them.  I also learned that my only child spirit needs a little break every now and then.  All it takes is about 24 hours all by myself to get me back in shape and ready to face the world and love my life in it.  Hopefully we will remember this next time BEFORE I get too spent.

20140223-080955.jpgThis living room is clean and beautiful.  No one has messed with the throw pillows and I have loved it being this way.  While I am ready to see my family, I do wish I could train them not to touch anything!  Oh yeah, those are outside cats.  Don’t tell the boss they spent a lot of Saturday playing on the living room rug

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